I have just realised - I'm starting to spend my leave for cooking.

It's reminded me of a quiz on a food magazine that R kindly subscribed me to - though I'm finding very little time to read and tag recipes these days - let alone time enough to try out a year's worth (and a bit) of recipes. And I'm talking about the ones I find interesting - I'm not even going to attempt wondering how much time it would take me to go through every recipe in each magazine for the entire 12 months of subscriptions (and a few more really, from the adhoc purchases I have made of them)

Anyway. There's a long weekend coming up - that happens to be CNYE too - and I decided that I would do some cooking for some family friends. Coincidentally R is also away - which means I can roll out the seafood bonanza without too much fear that I have to ensure that there is something that R can and will try. So needless to say - I decided this a month in advance, I have begun planning in my head already what the courses will be... where I could possibly get the produce... and also of course, made sure I have ample enough prep time, which is why I have the friday off - and then tacked on the tuesday as well to give the cook recovery time... but also time to dream about what should be a rather nice lunch.

I'm dreaming about the food already. And what will be on the next menu. 

But, not only have I done all of the above - I have also just done a trial run of the entree tonight. No trial run of either the main or the dessert is necessary (though considering i'll be prepping on Fri - it'll give me a good indication of what I should tweak) because they have been tried and true recipes I can whip up pretty confidently.

And because I have started to develop a rather fond love of cellar doors - I am also starting to become my own sommlier... dreaming about the types of wines that would go wonderfully with the meal - wondering if I have anything suitable stocked in my wardrobe-cellar, and wondering if I should request byo wines so I can expand my cellar.... and because I know sometimes my palate when it comes to wine is not always the same as others.

Incase anyone is remotely interested - here's the rather italian menu:

Oregano dusted Gamberetti (a la Giusseppi Arnaldo)
Lemony Crab Linguine with White Wine and Tomatoes
Pannacotta with vanilla raspberries

I think I'm slowly becoming a food tragic (see quiz).
So maybe cooking's being replaced jnstead of writing....

edit: note - I just did the above quiz online and I scored 137. Oh dear.

So there is more than one post - there may be a series... but I haven't quite decided yet.

I suppose it depends how long I can sit here for before I get too restless.

Apart from my lake house update - what else has been happening?

1) Work: I worked from home all week this week - things are busy and then not at the same time... it got busy, but it's back to being a bit quiet, and I'm thinking that I should enjoy it because it doesn't last long here! It doesn't help that I'm in an work area that consists of three people, including the manager! Hopefully we'll get a few more people around. I spent most of the last month working with consultants - and while it was great, and I think I'll miss working with them, at the same time I was a little put out that I was doing a lot of work for them - a lot of work that they will profit from and recycle... even though it's not suppose to happen. I expected a lot from them... and I was surprised. It was great to work with people who were a lot closer in my age - I worked really closely with T, one of the consultants - so it was nice to have someone to talk stuff to... work, boys, food. Not that I couldn't do so with the manager or the other person I work for - but it's different. They're in different places to me. Plus, it's just nice to have someone to tease and giggle with.

This leads me into a paragraph about journeys. There have been a few things cropping up regarding moving on from this job - it's not that I don't like where I am... it's more like T said to me: "You're like me, you're restless... you're always looking". And I guess I am. And maybe that's my life goal - to actually try and be still for awhile (this reminds me of a fanfic - Butterfly, Kate?) ... I did start pilates... does that help? Anyway, I'll get back to that one in a bit. So there has been a few things that have cropped up - bellskno that have called (can I be any more ambiguous?) ... and so far, things are still in motion. Or rather, maybe I'm not ready to go yet - so things are at a pause. I dunno. I haven't reconciled if I believe in fate, and one's destiny and all that - but I'm really starting to believe that well, the journey where I am is not quite over. My gut tells me it'll be sooner than I think - but hmm. Not quite yet. Hence why things haven't clicked into place for all the otehr opportunities just quite yet.  I was a bit superstitious about saying anything out loud (maybe lj doesn't count?) but I am starting to believe it's more this than anything. Still, it doesn't stop me searching.

And, sad as it is to say it, I'm always searching. It's not that I'm particularly unhappy, or discontent, or anything - I just can't help myself! I take great satisfaction in the fact that I was lead along this path in the industry I am in for material reasons - and yet, I find myself right back in the path I wanted to be in... writing. Now, it's not the writing I would rather do, but, it's amusing at the same time. See, sometimes you can't escape destiny. (God, did I just type that out loud???) R says I stress too much - and yeah, I worry. I can't help it. Second nature? I know it's not particularly conducive to being healthy - anyone knows I am, lately, quite under the weather. I blame the location. I was never sick up the other end of town. I think stressed environments are down where I am.  I am doing pilates - in a bid to learn how to stop and actually breathe. I find I forget to breathe sometimes... then wonder why I've suddenly gotten huffy and puffy. I hope this is amusing as opposed to concerned - don't worry, my brain does give me a kick up the butt when I forget. =)  I amuse myself... anyway.

I think I'm rambling.

2) I got myself some new toys! I retired Granpa and got a new laptop whom I have officially named walle. He kinda bleeps like him... well it was him or R2D2... and I am getting very close to changing his tones so he does sound like R2D2 - but I think I've just been watching too much star wars. Walle has a bin, and a hard drive... and a drive that is called Recover Walle - if he ever gets sick of dies on me.
My other new toy is a Canon 40D Digital SLR. It's new and fandangled and I wanted him for awhile - after I saw some of the amazing pictures that it can take from another blog. My dad was going overseas - so we were looking up whether it was worth him getting it - and I stumbled across this discount photography store - and it just so happened that T was a bit of a photography nut - so I could grill her about whether the camera was good or not. And I played with her camera (and P's - thanks!!!) , different model, same make - hers is smaller... but it sealed the deal, and it's here... and there are so many buttons and fancy things on it - I think I can't do the Gen Y thing and wing it - I think I actually have to read the damn manual. Of course, there isn't a disk in the camera - so I have to wait for R to get me one at the shops before I can do some real playing.  But now we have a decent camera, and I can go take pictures of Thai elephants!
Oh, and ok, maybe some "Us" pictures in Thailand - after all, I guess it's not every day you go overseas.
I can't wait to get a macro lens. But for now, I will play with my little lens and get my photography skills up to scratch. I'm quite pleased with my purchase - this camera will grow with me, and I reckon all I'll do is over time, invest in better lenses and get more disk space. Oh, and get myself a good camera bag to keep all my gear in.

3) Thailand, thailand. It seems all we have done is TALK about thailand - we booked it so long ago, that it seems surreal that it's only 12 days away - 9 working days (we're taking Friday off to pack and be all organised). I did some summer shopping on the weekend because I had a look at my dismal summer wardrobe and decided I needed an upgrade. Plus, the things you can wear in summer here - don't necessarily compute for 30 degrees with 98% humidity. Bleerrrgh. Why am I going to Thailand again? I was born in a country with that kind of weather -  I escaped and came here, where it's nice and cold. Ah well. We're in a beach resort - I'll spend most of my days in the water there, and it'll be fine.

I hope.

4) I got myself all organised! I am now the proud owner of a lovely wine rack. My cellar is in the bottom of my wardrobe... but I had been slowly but surely collecting wine bottles, and I figured it was about time I got myself a rack... and it was a good thing that R suggested I get the 24 instead of the 12 bottle - coz when I got home, I had a good chuckle at myself when I actually unearthed all the bottles of wine - to the tune of... "ohh... that's why that wine label looked so familiar in the store - it's coz I went to the winery and got myself a bottle!" I also got myself a magazine rack to keep all the lovely Gourmet Traveller magazines that R got me a subscription to and I have been happily chewing my way through. Though I have to say, I am a bit distressed - I have a ritual of talking post-it tags and noting all the recipes that I want to try or sound yum... and the magazines keep coming... and the tabs keep sticking and I'm finding there aren't enough hours in the day, nor days in the week, nor weeks in the month, nor months in the year to try them all out!

5) Other than that, I've been slowly reading through my book list - I'm averaging about a book a week, which R is rather impressed at, and I'm rather disappointed in myself at... I've been known to chew through a book in a day and a half (and sometimes less - depending on how easy it is) but I've been finding it hard to read lately. I've finished Atonement and Lolita and I've started on Anna Karenina, which I think I'll like best out of what I have read so far.

Why can't we (or I) work from home? 

There will be some of us who will say that they can't work from home... but I'm one of those who can. 

I've long lost all home of actually getting a sleep in - sleep ins for me now a days seems to be awake before nine.  But that's okay, coz I can get up, make myself a cup of tea, and for breakfast... a bacon and egg sandwich, with a naughty later of melted cheese. Yum. 

Pop a load of laundry in the fridge - get a second cup of tea... and then off to the shops to pick up some groceries. 

Now okay, you're wondering where the working part of WFH is. 

I get home from the shops and it's off for solid 3-4 hours of work... and then lunch and a cooking marathon. =P 
At this point, I am already ahead of schedule of all the things I need to get done today. I'm still researching, so it's a topic every two days (or three, depending) so I've already by this time completed my topic, and will start the reading and a bit of drafting of another topic in preparation for Monday (it has to be completed by Tuesday). 

So the cooking marathon:
Bolognese in preparation for trying out lasagna tomorrow and also for lunch in the week. 
Garlic prawns which are waiting for me to throw some fresh diced tomatoes, passata (tomato sauce) and pasta into it... or on its own with a bottle of bubbly, I can't decide (though I DID make the tomato sauce...). 
Raspberries soaked in vanilla de madagascar (liquer) with white chocolate lemon marscapone cream....  which I kinda made up, and am kinda pleased with. The cream is a bit on the cloying side from the white chocolate... but I think will be great with the tart raspberries.  and I may serve it with a mille-feuille "cracker"... However, verdict is still out whether it makes it into my "special" recipe book.
Triple chocolate hazelnut brownies... which I just rescued out of the oven! 

Oh. And apart from going to the shops - I spent most of today in my jim-jams!
Off to read about cloud computing now. I'll work pretty solidly till around 5-6 this evening, I reckon. 
It's nice to be home.

I've learnt something new - which is a good thing I suppose. I've learnt that it's actually HARDER to do an interview for people you know and work with, than doing it to complete strangers. There's more of an expectation, and it sent me jittery as I felt really really silly and self-conscious for saying things that they already know. I felt arrogant.

But after I left the interview on Friday, I got three calls (two from J and one from the manager) basically checking up on me and making sure that I'm okay. I must have looked really freaked out, though I did chill out once I got into the interview. I do get jittery before an interview, this is true, but I admit, I was a bit taken aback at how nervous I worked myself out to be.

Oh, and it's definitely harder to prepare, get yourself in the right mind-frame for an interview when you're actually working full time and you have deadlines. I suspect that didn't help any. My mind had been quite used to having at least three days of combined freaking-out stress-ness and sloth-like procrastination. =) Has to be something I gotta work on - because I suspect that jobs may come to me in this same form, where I've worked with people that are interviewing me, or it will be someone I know. And I won't have much time to prepare for it, given that I actually now have a job and I have Responsibilities. =)

I did get taken away from it all though, which is nice, so I didn't really have all that mindset to stew much over it. I had planned to head back down to the coast to do a bit of food touring on my part... and P came in with the goods to say that we should stay over at his house while we were down there as he had planned to do so.

(Which was good really, coz I was a bit worried about the ice cream!)

So R and I took a rather gentle meandering down towards P's house - we took the long way and went up to Arthur's Seat and had scones and drinks there, had a look at the maze but didn't go and then wandered down to a cider / winery but of course, it's closed till October. Was not pleased. I whinged and complained coz I had been looking forward to a spot of cider (and apparently French-styled, mine you... whatever that means) and so we rolled the dice and substitute another stop over at another winery. I did a wine tasting, R found a corner and looked at a wine region map - and as I made a choice, I find him outside with a great big fluffy blonde and chestnut border collie playing fetch with her rather slobby tyre.

Was rather taken by her, she was very well trained and very polite. R was in love and declared that the only wineries I could frequent at for tastings was if there were fluffy dogs for him to play with.

By this time, I was feeling rather pleasantly relaxed and feeling the effects of not having any lunch.

Off to my favourite wine place - where I was tickled to the toes by a rather lovely oldish man who served us and fuddled his way through exactly what the wine was.... I think I might have thrown off his speech coz I didn't really want to taste everything again, I was just interested in any of the new stuff they had. I was further tickled in the toes when I tasted a red wine which had been combined with muscat grapes, so it was red winey and then sweet at the same time. A bit of a brain fart, but rather irresistible.

By this time R was developing a habit of saying he wasn't hungry or didn't want to taste anything, but later looking at you like a seagull.

R caved (even though he was insistent he didn't want a retaste) and we both had a taste of their bubbly - which was still effervescent like apple sherbet and watermelon zing. He was quite generous with it... and I got what I came for + extras. I'm rather proud now, the last trip I had walked away with half a box (to put my wines in), one of which was Juliet, and this trip, I completed the box, and got Romeo. =) Romeo and Juliet (plus the three bottles of Apple Sherbet and Watermelon Zing) are currently living in my closet. =)

By this time I got the spot of the giggles... toe-curling wine does that to you, you know... and we went off to the strawberry farm where I insisted that needed food of some sort and settled for devonshire tea, complete with PROPER jam and cream (unlike the last place). R insisted he didn't want anything, and proceeded to eat one of my two scones. Hmmmph.

We went raspberry picking instead, and I picked up probably way more ice cream than I should - but some Seagull would eat it all in one go... so I figured I would need extra.

Stopped for apples at a farm - was hoping for a rarer variety but ended up with galas which is okay coz I like them. They did look a bit dull, till I clued in and realised that shiny apples in the store are because they are waxed. Very tasty though.

Then off to P's house - where we then went to see a secret hidey rockpool that required some major rock climbing to get to - but very pretty... if albeit cold. Lots of rather tame fish that dared to come right up to your toes. Some considered nibbling on R's toes - but stayed a little away from my red-polished one, though did come up to investigate. (Think R's legs looked a bit like a rock with floating blonde moss.... )

Stopped by another rock pool and then it was shower and off for dinner.

Rounded off the trip on Sunday with another beach trip in the morning and of course R became a seagull again when I started nibbling on snacks... of course he insisted he didn't need to eat anything, even if he had no breakfast and we were going for a swim.

And here I sit, rather sloth like dreaming about food. =)

some of you will be happy to note that I'm writing again.

well, sort of.

Going back to a "normal" routine as of tomorrow - and I find myself a bit anxious and a little on the sad side.

Suspect that I'm not looking forward to the commute - as it is awfully far away from things that I miss... favourite stores, a park to sit in for lunch, and the people. I guess, despite my outward introvertness, I don't really like to be away from people. That is, people I want to be with. =) Of course, this triggers a myraid of thoughts - I have had a few work related issues before the "holiday"... but I managed quite successfully to distract myself away from them what with running around for X'mas, and then New Years around the corner - I didn't really have much time for thinking, let alone pensiveness.

I'm hoping that things will work out at this placement, and I'll be able to stay on longer - if only till February, when I hope things will become a little more clearer and I can avoid going back to the home placement (lets call it B). Before Xmas, I got the decided gut feeling that told me I was going to be dicked around, if not made a pseudo-adminstrative assistant. Some of you will probably already know that I was none too pleased there towards the end, even if I had a pretty nice start. The people, individually, those that I came to know anyway, were nice, but that is all that I can recommend them, anyway.

The senior manager who I am currently reporting to, is all propriety and niceness, but I can't help but feel uneasy for it - like I'm being petted enough and calmed enough for slaughter. I am even more concerned that they don't really have a position for me - and on the one hand I would, theoretically, carve a place out for myself, on the other, I'm being told in very few words that I am to report to the senior manager, not the middle managers, by whom I would be actually doing work for. In effect, a very uncomfortable role for all around. Feeling as though they don't really know what to do with me - is further worrisome by the fact that I'm not the only one feeling this, my HR rep expressed her worries all the same. What I would like is a clear outlining of roles and responsibilities and at the very least, a job title - something which seems so elusive to them, considering that in any case, if this was a position to be advertised, they would have to have the necessary paperwork for it!
My one hope at the moment is in M coming through with something for me - it is my ideal job... I have discovered, I love researching and I especially love knowing that I'm contributing and helping, at least, to grow the IT industry, in terms of learning of IT trends, and in some aspects - getting to play with them. Being where I am at the moment, is the same work, I do enjoy it. Where other place can you say, guilt-free, that you can watch television shows or play games as "research"?? They are going through a major restructure and I have been cautioned (so to speak) to not expect anything till February... which I know, realistically, isn't that far away.

But such is my dislike for returning to B - that I'm hoping I get retained longer at my current placement. Amongst other things, I would like to see the project out... at the very least. I guess I'm just desperate not to go back.

I was planning an "all nighter" of work - but I realised that I have to return a library book.

I wouldn't... but the next time I'm back at work is in the new year, so I figure I better. =S

Ah well. I'll do some work on the train - it's mostly reading... and maybe I'll figure out the X'mas dinner I'm suppose to be making and do some shopping for that.

Still.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

This was not what I had planned! I don't want to go into the city. I wanted to sleep in! I don't want to go to work!
Grrr!

Tis my fault - I was all up-ended with my crazy week and I'm all out of sorts still from it all.

Grrrrrrrr.

It's heartening to find people who are meant  to be doing their job.

A bonus are those who are a perfect fit for their role.

I'm so organised, I surprise myself sometimes.

So here I am treading water frantically under the calm surface I am currently emitting - but it's more me than work, to be honest. I don't have much time left here, so I'm like a little kid trying to cram the rest of the biscuits into my mouth before someone catches me out.

But why I had the thought:
well. I was having my weekly meeting with the manager, and we were going over my tasks and I said that I would have to send over notes for a presentation that I'm doing on Wednesday. So, I knew I wrote them out - so I was going to sit down and type them up... and lo and behold on my desktop, there they were. All typed up and ready to send out for okayness.

And now I better get back to PR-ing myself... I've discovered I'm really bad at them and I'm trying to fill out some selection criteria for a job that I was told I should apply for.
I really should get someone to write them or give me good marketing words for myself.  I'm so terrible at them, even when I think I am more than capable of being a good candidate for the job.
So, back at it while I'm on a roll.

My writing has been coming and going in spirts and spurts.  I'm hard at work researching at the moment and my enthusiasm is fuelled because I am not only involved in an industry which I love, I am researching topics which I had studied at school. 

This is, in a way, my honours year!
And my research and writing may be, even if in a small way, influence policy into these areas. 

I'm looking into 2nd Life.  I'm, as per previous posts, playing games for research. 
(Something which, with cynicism, I have to note the previous Gooberhead boss can't seem to understand and finds "strange")

But my writing, my paper into digital content and all things web and internet is going slowly.  I feel rusty.  I feel like I've lost my touch and I've been zapped of my creativity and it makes me sad.  Sad that I let it happen, sad that I may have to go back to an environment which will continue to take my energy: creative, mental and physical.

But here is my hope: it's elastic.
It's something that can thin out and get pulled back so far, it's transparent... but it can bounce back.

Hence why i'm writing this instead of my paper, in a meger attempt at jogging my writing.  And hence why I am currently lamenting at the fact my writing (at least for this paper) is coming in spits and spurts. 

'Course, it doesn't help that I have a sneaking suspicion I am burnt out.  I'm tired.  I have to find myself again.  I have to regroup, grow a stronger shell to shield away all the negative energies that are sapping me. 

I also, hopefully, by regrouping mysef, will lose the hippy talk!

People are so happy here.

I expect and come to almost live by tension, ladder-climbing and egos.  I've come into this workplace, and the feeling here is something I can't quite categorize.  It's calm here and quiet.  It's good for the soul, it's good for my soul.  I might be idealising it a bit but it's such a change to come to a place where the culture is so conducive to a good working lifestyle.  People work normal hours.  People are encouraged, encouraged, to go home at a proper hour.  The decision is entirely up to you, however.  There is no push and shove here.  Yet, there is no guilt either, for taking what is owe, what is due, what is right.  There is no murmurings of discontent or bitterness.

Everyone's just so nice here. 

You get the occasional sense that some people aren't as warm to someone as they are others, and there is a little clique here and there, but still.  There's nicety here.  People talk.  People always talk - but the talk here is just so light.  There's nothing hidden behind it, there's no real malice in it, it's just talk.  There's no hierarchy, no ego, no "I'm earning more than you, and I'm better than you".  There's no "I'm the boss" mentality here.

Is this real?

What touchstone of The Best Workplace I think I will ever find have I stumbled on? I must be dreaming.  Maybe it's too early to tell and the cat claws haven't come out yet. 
I think maybe that's cynicism.  Deep down inside, I think this is how this place works.  Day in, day out, every day.  It's baffling to someone who hasn't gotten a taste of the otherwise, and sadly comes to expect the worst out of everyone.  I won't delude myself just yet into believing it's all hunky-dory here on the Planet of Peace and Contentment, but how in the world did someone gather together all these people who jsut get along with each other?

This is Nirvana.  This is paradise.  This is the Worker's Haven.  When workplaces tlak of that unattainable work/life balance, of integrity, respectign people, leadership, impartiality... this is it. 

(sigh)
When can I come back?
Can I not leave at all?

... but I get to play 'puter games at work... I get to play 'puter games at work. And I get paid... and it's called "research"

*gloat gloat gloat at R*

More about new placement soon.

I have just completed my first "official" week.  I am now about to embark on a second "official" week.  To anyone else (mainly work colleagues) this means either nothing to them and completely transparent to them, or it means confusion. 

To me, it was rather exciting to have a brief view of my year all mapped out, with exciting courses, lectures and seminars to attend. 

And finally, some much needed rotation dates. 
If I had a penny for every time I was asked this question....

Today has been a slow, slow day.
It doesn't help that you had, in the morning, mapped out exactly what you needed to do and achieve and get points ticked off so you can proceed with other matters... only to find that the people you need to achieve all this were away.
Which left me, in the middle of a waiting game. Not so bad I suppose, having a day of doing not much but a few bits and pieces and mainly pottering around and a little bit of research/prelim work.

My one bit of exciting (well, for me!) has been recieving readings for a lecture I am suppose to attend this wednesday.

I Have Readings!

It's like being back at school and I suppose I'm 1 part nostalgic and 2 parts excitement to finally have "official" program of things to do.  I am excited to be able to sit down with a highlighter and pen again and stare at the familiar sight of photocoied book/report/journal clippings.

Gosh, I'm a nerd.

If this is the reaction I'm getting over mere readings - maybe I should have considered a career in academia. 

I think I'm also partially excited about the "water" issue that is provided as part of the reading, and to be able to feel semi-part to the current debate.  I think I'm turning into a bit of a greenie.  Not thatit's a bad thing, of course. 

In other news, I've been wondering about the fact that I seem to be losing a bit of hair more than I use to - and well, the only way I can indicate this is in the shower, shampooing my hair.... but R thinks it's stress. I think he's probably right, but I'm not sure I stress all that much... not more than I usually do anyway!

And my hip has flared up again along with my foot.
Oh, I also just stubbed my toe in the car door.

I love taking care of myself. :=)

speaking of leaving...

... found out this week that because we've moved departments... I'm in limbo.
not actually sure WHICH department I'm suppose to belong to - and there's every possibility that I'll be moving to the department that work was before.

which is okay, I suppose - 4 for the price of 3 rotations!

but it was nice to hear for the first time that I probably would (I say probably would because I still don't have the guarantee) have a job and my manager really wants to keep me around and will find a way to do so - within reason, of course!

so we'll see.

one more week and then I'll be off for a break! I'm going to hunt for a berry farm so I can try sorbet. hopefully I'll be leaving for a break on a bang. We'll see what happens this week.

The key to feeling fully vital is to be connected to a purpose, to have a passion. Your spirit will be ignited when you have a clear reason to live and work. As Petrea King says: "Your life matters. You are not here by accident. You are on the right planet. You are not here for the kids, the career, the mortgage. You are here to make the journey of your life, via the kids, the career, the mortgage. The journey matters more than the destination."


nothing really much to say - well... maybe coz I'm ranted out or don't really have anything to rant about. :p

my stomach is aching at the moment - it was aching on the train home... and then I had to wait to get picked up so I was extra hungry, but now that it's fed... it's still not happy coz he's still grouchy at me. :)


my jd-needs-to-improve-health is going okay... all the stressing-me-out people have left me alone... which is nice. I guess it's partially me too - just being able to let myself off the hook and say... "no, you don't need to see them, if you don't feel up to it. don't feel guilty for it!" I think I need to say no to myself a bit more. :) But it's not a bad thing.

It's shaping up to be another busy week - but one of my projects (big one!) is wrapping up so I'm quite excited about seeing it go live and be in production.... so it's quite exciting! Fingers crossed it all goes well.

And also, I'll be off for a bit of a break soon - so I really need this to be done. :)
It's getting close to christmas! eeek!

Nevertheless, I'm enjoying it loads - and I don't really want to be leaving!

I think I'm on a bit of a high - and it's making me munch (granted, I was hungry) as I wait for my parents to get home and for dinner to start cooking.

I'm slowly but surely starting to find my feet with the organisation - and I'm increasingly glad to have started early (tuesday made it 5 weeks) coz if it has taken me this long just to get comfortable, I don't have a hope in hell with the next two rotations, I reckon.

I've been assigned to project manage a few really important projects that need to be done, and I'm really starting to love the idea of project management. It's quite fulfilling. And who could go wrong with seeing happy faces and knowing you've contributed to those happy faces.

Manager D has said that he wanted to assign me with a few important projects that will give impact the organisation, so that I'm seen as more than just a graduate - which I'm glad for, and glad that he's picked this up because that's how I've been feeling. He's been quietly encouraging me to do presentations... and his argument has always been that he wants people to credit me to what I've done and be acknowledged.

Which is a nice fuzzy feeling.
Frankly, I don't mind. I could lump or take presentations - and so long as I can see that he is crediting me and he's the kind of manager that won't take credit for work he doesn't do, I really don't mind him running away with the work I've done.

Doing these presentation/meeting things is probably a good thing to keep practicing on. And keep doing them whenever the opportunity comes.
And I should say yes to everything they are offering. :)

But of course, I'm hesitant because of the fact that I'm a graduate and I haven't as yet gained any "authority" or position. And I have been made (externally) to feel as though my opinions don't matter, because I am the graduate and the lowliest of the low, and that I don't have anything to contribute. And I have felt like the scapegoat.

But as per the previous entry - I just rant, stick my tongue out, and pfft-ed.


As you know, html and websites are my playground. I love the thing to death and it's fun fun fun.
Today I learnt that I'll be creating an internal website with Manager J... and she knows nothing but wants to learn. I'm so excited! I must admit, I was a bit disappointed that I wasn't able to do anything to their website... and any involvement is from a consultative point of view, and I wouldn't be able to get on and physically play with the website because of the business processes.

So I was quietly excited - and J was too... that we were going to be able to do this... and we'd have NO BARRIERS or BOUNDARIES to adhere to, so we could do anything we pleased. :D In other words, we can make it wacky, cool and really fun and creative.
We've already ordered in Dreamweaver for J. :D I'm so excited!

*

On another note, I went for a blood pressure and a cholesterol check and everything is fine. :) So I'm feeling healthy. Which is why I'm drinking tea and munching on shapes. :oP
The cholesterol thing hurt though. I think I'm starting to get a bruise from where he punched the needle thingy. Why can't they just prick you with a needle?
I've never come out of needles okay, I've noticed. I've had issues with people trying to take my blood, people with trying to give me IVs... I always end up with a bruise, or a sore, or something.
Hrummph.

I'm still feeling as though everything is awfully surreal.

Maybe I'm still burnt out - and my brain has gone all floaty in response. I was reading an article in the paper the other day about burnt-outness and what the symptoms are... and heh. They kinda did fit everything that I've been feeling.

I'm getting increasingly busy - and everything around me and everyone around me is getting the same.

I still love work - everything there is still interesting and the atmosphere is awfully amusing to a writer like me - I feel a little like a detective, trying to figure everyone out.

Manager has said that he (and supposedly everyone else) is supposedly delighted - so... I suppose he's happy....?
Yes.
You can tell.
I'm not so sure, yet.

Though I have been working too many hours - to the point where I'm due for a day off again, when I just had one.
So am trying to stretch out my hours - and to go home at proper times and to take longer lunches.

And there were a few things that made me a little ranty - but I ranted and then mentally stuck my tongue out at them and "pfffttt"-ed.

Apart from that, I'm still waking up at 530 in the morning consistently... and I've been feeling more tired than usual lately. Symptoms of burnt-outitis? Maybe.
I was reading this afternoon in bed (chewing my way though all of K's books) and got sleepy... so thought, I'd just lie down and have a little doze and then go back to reading.

2 hours later...
I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight - but seeing as I'm feeling tired and a little sleepy again, here's hoping I don't have any issues.

I can't believe I'm sick again.

Well.
I shouldn't be so surprised really.
After all - I have been stressed the last couple of months (read: year) and I haven't been sleeping and I haven't exactly been all caught up on sleep and getting back to a pattern and I have been consecutively been either woken up at an ungodly hour in the morning by a phone... or waking up to the domesticated sounds of my parents at 6 in the morning. 

Sometimes, I even beat my dad to being awake!

So, I was fretting on Monday and I didn't sleep well - and I decided that it was okay to go out on Tuesday night... so of course I was going to be sick!

Really should start listening to my body when it pokes me and says - heeeyyy.... I'm not quite okay yet. Stop going out. Heyyyy! I think whatever I have is gone - and I'm in the clearing up stage *knocks wood*

But still.
It is awfully inconvenient.
I decided last night as I was dozing off that I need to stop stressing out and fretting - and what do  I do today? I start fretting out about the fact that I shouldn't be fretting out and about me being sick and how I can't afford to be sick .

Why does everyone else get to fret and be sad and be stressed and they don't get anything more than a sniffle?

Don't answer that.
I probably already did.

And there are birthdays on the weekends.
And I don't want to be home alone. My parents are leaving on the Sat - and I'll be at home, stuck with not being able to breathe, using too many tissues - and not even being able to enjoy anything I eat coz I can't smell anything! I could be eating a dirty sock right now and it would be fine.

And, and, I need to do shopping!
(Which I must say, could be a bit of a chore and a groan and a - I don't want to go shopping. Shopping is blergh at the moment)
I have a start date!
It's the 19th.

See?
It's inconvenient for me to be sick - coz now I have to make sure I'm well by then - coz it's no good starting work and sneezing and blowing your nose every 30 seconds. They'd send me home before I even started.

Does that mean I might get sick pay....?
:D

I don't know about anyone else - but my imps seem to be well behaved at the moment.

I suppose they just got tired of me ranting and raving and whinging - which I will do if you decide to become cheeky! *hard stare*
For those that haven't heard me raving and shaking my fist at "the imps"... I seem to be in a "good" phase. Meaning that everything is going relatively well. I had to come out of my writer haze to recieve some good news... so I'm quite chuffed.  The novel... (novella?) seems to be going well, is looking a lot shorter than I am expecting... but I should at least aim for a thesis word count? That would at least make it a novella.

We'll see.
Is definitely going well.

Is around 20ish pages already - so doing well for 1 and a half days of work.

And I can safely say: I have thoroughly missed it.

Though I suspect baking and cooking has been my band-aid.

As for seeing anything - not now I'm afraid (sorry P!) I'm being a bit possessive with it at the moment. I tend to be with my writing, unfortunately. And because it's going to be novel-length, it will be a bit of a wait.